This morning, as I drew a Goddess Card – I got Butterfly Maiden but more about that later – I realized that I have been stuck in a cycle of knowledge that has inhibited my connection with my soul.
Y’all know that I am a lawyer by education – there’s a cycle here too… again for an another day. The legal education is one of stripping away thought process and large parts of your perceived identity and rebuilding what the institution of law deems worthy and pertinent. For those of us who didn’t slide right into the structure and drink the KoolAid – that was an extremely painful process.
I have a liberal arts undergrad degree, and Business and Accounting, so clearly, I have never been able to fully break away from the expectations and ideas of what is safe, smart and very masculine aligned. But those years of free writing and learning to let things flow out of me, feel like many lifetimes away from this vantage. I learned to find certainty and clarity in the research and spewing forth twisted facts that support my position. Oh yes, the research became all consuming. I must identify every possible evaluation of the topics and synthesize all the details into one truth. These visages of the law and legal writing pervade my unconscious mind. I feel like I cannot escape them. That was the plan. Create a perceived reliance on the truth… that will set you free. My experience could not have been farther from this expectation.
And now, I find myself on the other side of the altar. I am endeavoring to find my truth, without influence of the world and generations of my ancestors. I don’t care what Socrates had to say about past lives and spirit. This is my experience and I am finding myself with the spaciousness to immerse myself in it.
Letting go of the paradigm that truth lives outside of me has been scary. I am exploring the truth I know to resonate within. The surrender of being beholden to external knowledge has allowed me to open, shift and remember me. I am tapping into the hope that the flow, which came so easily, will return roaring more than ever and carry me into the space where I continue to grow and strengthen my connection with my true self, spirit and the energies that have quietly supported me throughout my lifetime.
What paradigm are you scared to shift or release that is holding you back?
